just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
