is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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