I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
