What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
