I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
