I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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