don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
