Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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