wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize