Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
