Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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