Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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