i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.