I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
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The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
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I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.