My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.