im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?