I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked