Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.