i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now