He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The power of my boobs compel you