i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
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votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
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IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.