yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
