cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i will never coherently bang her
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
