when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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