4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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