I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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