how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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