It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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