did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
