i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
