shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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