dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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