just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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