Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
