i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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