you traded sex for a burrito?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
