After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Enjoy the penises
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
