I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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