He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
