the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
