Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
