so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
