I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
