hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
