Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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