will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I would fuck him just for his dog
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
