I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
