We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
