Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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