Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
