Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
