Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
