respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
