I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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