Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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