I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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