Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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