If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
