Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
