Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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