Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
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