I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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