If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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