There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He felt like a one man threesome
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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