I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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