god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
