my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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