Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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