This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
