he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
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We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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