PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
