Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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